If You Want to Test Your Marriage, Move to Hawaii

Hi all- I’m Taylor, the gal behind the weekly Book Nook posts.  One fun change with the re-launch of FancyLittleThings.com is that I will now write a Marriage Matters post once a month!  I’ve only been married for two-and-a-half years, but beginning our marriage after two straight years of long distance dating and engagement, dealing with the military and two very different personality types combined to give us many tests in our marriage.  I’m excited to share insights and lessons that I learn along the way about biblical marriage and the ability to live as one with the help of the Holy Spirit!  That said, here is my first marriage post.

I’ve lived in Hawaii for four days now.  It’s not an exaggeration to say that we live in paradise but getting here was anything but paradise for our marriage.

Stressful situations are my go to excuse for being verbally rude to my husband.  Yesterday I couldn’t find the car title right when I wanted it.   After living in different states for almost two months, undergoing a trans-Pacific move, dealing with the layers upon layers of military bureaucracy and the shipping of all of our worldly possessions to finally get to Hawaii, I was primed and ready to freak out.

And I did totally freak out.  The “lost” title was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I used it as an excuse to sin by attacking my husband with statements like, “I wish I married someone who paid more attention to detail” and classic over exaggerations like, “now we don’t have proof that we own the only valuable thing we really own.”  Did I have a right to be upset? Yes.  Did I have a right to sin in my anger?  No.

The loss of control over my personal life and my career that I experienced when I became a military spouse have proved to be a trial by fire for our marriage.

1 Pet 4:12-13 (NASB) “¹² Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; ¹³ but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.”

I have had literally almost no control throughout the entire process of moving.  I had no control over when we moved, where we moved or when I found out when and where we’d be moving.  All of the paperwork must be handled by my husband as he is the active duty service member.  According to the military, I am but a “patron who will be living at the residence” of our new house on base.

Our sinful nature longs for control and power.  When we don’t get it, we often lash out in sin.

What could I have done to better protect myself from sinning?

One thing I didn’t do yesterday was to have my daily prayer time, in which I’ve been praying for self-control over my mouth and not to take out my anxiety on my husband.  Praying and reading the Word makes me focus on Christ, the Good News and it helps me put my thoughts in their proper context.  Compared to the Blessed Hope of our Savior, does finding a car title right now really matter?  No.  When we focus on Christ and what he has done for us, when we understand our sinful nature and what He has done to forgive us when we didn’t deserve it, aren’t we better able to treat other people with the grace and understanding with which He has treated us?

When you have stressful situations pop up this week that could create strife between you and your spouse, I encourage you to look toward the cross.

Oh, and I did end up finding the title – five minutes after I lashed out.  It was in my own paper file.  Nothing like eating a little crow to keep ya humble!

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