A marriage exists between a husband and a wife. A great marriage exists between a husband and a wife who are best friends.
Dave and I were friends for an entire summer before we ever started dating. It was the ease of our conversation, the similar interests and fact that we just enjoyed each other’s company that was the kindling for sparks of romance. Maybe your relationship started out much in the same way.
So, are you still friends? Best friends? I always tell my 5-year old, “You have to be a friend to have a friend.”
1. Have fun together! Don’t just do the work together, do the fun together too! My brother and sister-in-law used to play in a volleyball league together for years while their girls were young. It was a built-in date night, got them with other friends, and was something they both enjoyed!
2. Get excited about the things they get excited about! If it isn’t necessarily your ‘cup of tea’, so what! Try a sip! You may just like it. My husband has loved baseball since he was a small boy. I never watched it much, and quite frankly didn’t think it was too interesting. But after watching Ken Burn’s documentary on it, learning the roots in American history, hearing about some of the great players and asking LOTS of questions during games, I have learned to love it too!
3. Know their story, their weaknesses, their fears…and love them anyway. Isn’t that what best friends are for? Remember our theme verse this month, “A friend loves at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17). I know I’m particularly hard to love in the mornings (and not very loving myself), but thank God my husband loves me anyway! 
4. Make them feel good about themselves! Would you call someone who only makes you feel worthless and insecure your friend? Certainly not. Affirm their best qualities. Celebrate their wins!
5. Call out the best in them. One of the blessings of a true best friend is that they can speak the truth to us when no one else will. Hold each other accountable to be everything God called you both to be.
6. Extend grace & forgiveness. Even the best of friends have a bad day, say a hurtful things, disappoint us in some way. Offer the grace in those moments that you’d want in return. My favorite radio pastor, James MacDonald, says “There are no enduring relationships without forgiveness.” If you want a friendship that lasts, a marriage that endures, you must forgive both big & small.
7. Put them first! Don’t let your spouse just be one of your friends. Don’t just let your spouse be a best friend. Make them your most important friend! Your relationship with your spouse should come before any other relationship in your life, short of your relationship with the Lord.
Do you have other ways you keep the friendship in your marriage strong? Please share!
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Update on 9/11: Wow, the response to this post has been incredible! I’m so thrilled that so many of you out there are seeking to be your spouse’s best friend! Don’t miss out on encouragement for your marriage each Tuesday by subsribing by email right over there —> and check out our other weekly topics here at FancyLittleThings.com. Head over to my post this week to hear about the friendship outside of marriage with ”5 Friends Every Couple Should Have…and the 2 You Shouldn’t”.
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Update on 10/10: Totally amazed at how this post is still rockin’ and all the amazing comments! Check out my new series this month where I talk about SEX! Yep, that’s right. I’m starting a club. The 72 Hour Club. And it is changing marriages already!!
© 2012, Danielle Peters. All rights reserved. Love it? Print, email, pin, tweet or share but please don’t use my work without permission. {Copyright Fancy Little Things. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this article or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.}
About Danielle Peters
Thank you for the reminder it is way too easy to take our stuff for granted.
My spouse is an answered prayer & I should treat him that way! Sometimes I forget that.
I love the way you put that. How many of us prayed for these men who love us…and then forget to treat them as that divine answer! Thanks Colleen!
As a seventeen year old who is in the middle of those prayers, I want to bless you ladies who have already found your men! Hearing of relationships like this is such an encouragement to me. It’s super to know that they exist somewhere.
While praying for the right spouse, prepare yourself to be a godly wife. Read the Bible’s instructions about marriage, other books and pray for wisdom in applying what you learn.
I agree Crystal. I sometimes have to step back and look at him and remind myself of all his great qualities. After that I find myself drawn to him and wanting to be with him even more!
I needed this reminder today. Sometimes, we get SO wrapped up in the to-do lists in our life that we forget about the people that need reassurance. LOVELY post!
Julie Sancken recently posted..Excited for Influence
Oh Julie…I’m the one who needed this reminder as I wrote this post yesterday. Glad it is a good reminder to many!
Thank you for this…it’s so easy to forget,
Thanks Kristie!
Lovely list. Such a good reminder.
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Thank you Jane!
Wait til you have been married for 46 yrs. & your other half retires. You have to remember all over again he is still your BBF for 24/7. It takes a little time to get use to having no time for your wanting to shop by yourself or with a girl friend. But we go on dates during the day now. Out to lunch & to movies & shopping together. We have become even better best friends than we were. We are even more in love & romantic now. We have all the time in the world. We talk about everything. We really have lots of fun together. A very happy older married lady.
I needed to read that….we are on the precipice of the empty nest and I am enjoying the extra time we have together! However, I sometimes chafe when I want to hang out with a friend and he really wants me to be home with him. I’m thinking I have few responsibilities since our girls are no longer under foot but now he has to be my biggest responsibility! So, thank you!!! Enjoy retirement!
So glad that this message spoke to you ladies as you enter a new (and totally different from me!) side of marriage. What a wonderful reason to keep the friendship alive…so you have each other & the companionship to enjoy as you enter retirement years. God Bless you both!!
danielle, AMAZING post — you hit it right on with every single point — and excellent reminder for me to build Craig up more and acknowledge him MORE than a best friend.
something i am really learning to do is be aware of his love languages and act on them more frequently. i know what he enjoys, what makes him smile, what he needs from me as his best friend — now, i’m learning to take more action!
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Great post, Danielle! I love your passion for marriage and the truth you write. So needed in this anti-marriage world. Thank you!
This is so true! I always tel people that Josh is my best friend. It isn’t always perfect but when push comes to shove we have each others back. We have fun together and we are truly best friends! A MUST for all marriages!
Sarah recently posted..5 Fun Ways to Encourage and Edify
May God bless and keep that aspect of your marriage, and you treasure it forever! Thanks Sarah!
Danielle, such a great post! I love how you take something so complex and break it down into simple, practical and true applications! Thanks!
Thank you Stacy! That is a wonderful piece of encouragment to me right there!
Notice the little things, in addition. Thank you for the reminders!
So true! Thanks Nora!
I would definitely say, that when in conflict, go for a walk, and hold hands. The LAST thing you’ll want to do when in the middle of conflict is show any signs of affection towards each other, and forcing yourself to hold hands will remind you that your spouse, is not your enemy, and that you are in it together. And the walking helps diffuse the frustration as well!
Great advice. We all need to be reminded that we are on the same team sometimes! Thanks Mary!
thank you so much! this is the most awesome thing i have read in a long time!!
Thanks Krystal! I’m blown away by the response on this one! I hope everyone will visit again!
I loved, loved, loved this post! My most recent posting was about our “throw away” society and how so many people start a marriage with the idea “if it doesn’t work, we’ll just get divorced”. How sad! Keep up the great work, we need reminders of “what God has joined together, let man not separate”.
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I went and check out your post and it was great. Nice to meet a fellow warrior in the battle to fight for marriage!!
What a wonderful post! My husband and I recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Though we joke that we made it through the first year of marriage, dealt with first-time pregnancy, and had a baby and didn’t kill each other, we knew we would. We are very much each others best friend. We argue and we fuss sometimes, but we know at the end of the day we have each others backs. I especially liked your point about forgiveness. I’m guilty of letting things upset me for longer than they should and my husband has helped me with that. He always says to me “We’re married. It’s like driving in the desert. What are you going to do? Get out and walk? No. So get back in the car and let’s keep going” It always makes me smile, no matter how mad I am. He gets me
I like his style. God bless you and your new marriage!
This was a really good reminder today. I am determined to put my husband first. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for commenting Michelle! May the friendship with your husband grow ever stronger1
this is a truly lovely post
One of my religion teachers always says that when you love the Lord most, you can love your spouse best. I’m not married yet, but I hope that one day I can have a wonderful relationship with someone who loves the Lord MORE than he loves me so that we can love each other in the best way possible.
I LOVE THIS! :]
My lover is definitely my best friend.
Thank you for such a blessing! I am newly married and although my husband and I dated for FIVE years I am still learning how to do deal with him. This is a nice reminder to always put him first. He is a younger christian than I am so often times he frustrates me, but I have a remember to continue to pray for him and trust that God has a plan for him, myself, and our marriage!
Thank you so much for this posting, I got choked up when I read this. My husband and I have been married for eleven years now and have four children. Things have felt strained between us often times here recently with the stresses of everyday life, but reading this post has made me realize, I haven’t been a friend to my husband lately; This has been an excellent wake up call for me…wow.
Jessica….this post has been read by WAY more people than I could ever have imagined, but this. THIS comment right here is what I care about. To know that God is using these words to awaken marriages, to inspire spouse’s to be each other’s friend when it is so easy to take them for granted…you just made my day! I’ll be praying for you and your husband specifically today, that God might use this moment to refresh you both and rejuvenate your love & friendship!!
…
& this is why there is traffic! It is awesome you will be praying for them. My newly remembered & reapplied motto will be “you have to be a friend to have a friend”! I grew up with that one too, but thanks for the refresher! The two things that have helped the hubs & I is 1. going to church together (similarly to another readers walking suggestion, it brings you together focusing on something more important, & leaves you with a calm in your heart & peace in your soul. It might not fix all, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. Even if you’re not a strong believer, it’s hard to leave as angry as you were when you came in. Most are smiling, there is singing, & more often than not…. Something sd just to happens to have a way of hitting at home.) & 2. I read somewhere once to challenge yourself to make your spouse smile or laugh at least once a day. It can often be a challenge for me with my serious hubby who never really valued friendships (or fun) to begin with, but this task has helped to diffuse tense arguments, & lighten the mood of a man way too “wise beyond his years”! I guess my new motto will remind me to forget “”woe is me” & help teach him about true friendship, & the value of fun! Thanks!!!!
Thank them… For going to work on the cold days… for dinner when he takes you out, anything! A little thank you goes a LONG ways.
So true Stephanie! And something so simple, a few words from our mouths, but so easily forgotten. Thanks for commenting.
I appreciate the advice in the article and the day I get married I will work on remaining my hubby’s best friend.
Good to see there are marriages working.
God bless you
my husband & I will celebrate our 30th anniversary and 31 years together…he has been my very best friend through all these years….I get so mad at him sometimes that I could scream but through the years I am learning how to just let things pass by and just smile even if its screaming hard haha!!! doing things together is so important and especially spending time to talk each evening about each others day if it wasn’t a good one or if it was one of the best…sharing means so much in ever aspect of a marriage!! I still believe that you never go to bed angry and always say your sorry when your in the wrong if you can do just those two things you are half way there!! we had one child and he will turn 29 this November and he is now a husband and a father and I love watching how well he and his wife are doing with their marriage of 5 years….I am so very proud of both of them!!
Congratulations on 30 years! May God bless you with many more together!
I appreciate the advice in the article and the day I get married I will work on remaining my hubby’s best friend.
Good to see there are marriages working.
God bless you Danielle
I’m new to Pinterest and just discovered your site. All the comments are so interesting and I have a couple to add. Be aware that you are truly blessed to have each other in your lives, never take it for granted. On our first date my husband said, “Don’t tell me ‘good bye’, say ‘I’ll see you later”. For over 20 years we never left each other without a kiss and a “See you later.” One day he didn’t come home. Heart attack at 43. We never took each other for granted and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. Count your blessings.
Oh Judy. This made me well right up. My husband turns 43 next week and I couldn’t imagine losing him like that. Thanks to our God that you have the reassurance of seeing him again and thank you so much for your comment, a remember to us all to count our blessings.
My husband always says that to me too (“See you later, not goodbye”) and I’ll never hear it again the same way after reading your comment!
How do you start to apply these tactics if you feel like the friendship is long gone?
Most days i feel like our relationship is so toxic, we are in each others way to accomplish our own tasks until I’m needed to
Help complete some other unfinished task. How do you start to get part feeling unappreciated, undesiredand unloved?
I spend so much time thinking about how to fix things and each time i try to implement them, they just fizzle out after a few says or weeks then its right back to the status quo. I wasn’t so badly to feel loved again, needed – not just for a paycheck, or the physical work around the house, but need for me. How do you get that passion back? I enjoyed your post but it seems more about how to “keep the flame”alive. . . What do you do if you feel like three flame has already been extinguished?
Michael – I’ve been in that place too. My husband and I were on the brink of divorce about 5 years ago. I didn’t know then if we’d ever be able to hold a civil conversation, much less be best friends’ again. I’ve got some other posts on the site that share more about our journey back from this place, like The American Dream and A Baby Changes Everything. You can even read my husband’s one post here called “Right Where I Am” to hear a bit of his perspective. Don’t lose hope. I’ve seen God bring marriages back from the dead, including my very own. Seek Him on this is the best advice I can give.
Michael, My husband brought home a book to have me read that helped our relationship more than anything else. Its called, “The 5 Love Languages” Find it, read it, start applying it to your relationship, and suggest for her to read it also, or give it to her as a gift. Good luck.
love this….i am from the Ithaca area and found your post on-line….all the way out in California while on vacation with my husband….small world. (We now live in Missouri.) Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for visiting Jami!!
Loved the post. I especially am glad that you included #2. I think it extends past interests, but also to things that they just want affirmation in. For example, I’ve started listening to what my husband tends to point out to me such as “I put gas in the car
” because he know I appreciate it and is excited to make me excited. So, when he tells me things he likes or things he did for me I make sure to show him how what is important to him is important to me, too. I try to notice what he does and express how I’m grateful. Good post, thanks. 
Chelsea recently posted..Raising Financial Support for a Living: Support Preservation
Thanks Chelsea! My hubs fills up our vehicles too, and I try to always thank him. Saying “thank you” is a huge (and easy) way to let our spouse’s know how grateful we are to have them.
These are really great tips. Thank you so much for your encouragement in making a marriage work. I will try harder on number two….
Have a great week!
Thank you so much for this. I stumbled on this on pinterest and decided just to check it out. I am engaged to be married, and this post has helped me realize even done this I need to work on now with my future husband. For example we do well with number 1 — we can have fun together but number 2, for me, is a working point. I tend to brush off some of the things he finds exciting or fun and that he enjoys. But I work on these things with Joy in knowing in the end it will help our marriage on the long run.
And all of these points are definitely something I’ll take with me in to my marriage.
Thanks Sara for your comment! Dave and I love encouraging young couples who are preparing to marry (we teach the Marriage Prep class at our church!). You are a smart bride for seeking and applying good habits to your relationship before your marriage begins. May God bless you both!!
never lie. be honest no matter what. talk to each other trust him with your soul and the rest will fall in to place. my husband is truley number 1 in my eyes and we have so much fun togather. we also have a great circle of friends and a great family. we have been toagther for 10 years. we started dating the night we met. we have been married for 7 years and love every minuite of it. i love him with my whole being and still get butterflys when we kiss. true love and happiness is out there. trust is everything!!!
Honesty is so important isn’t it. In our friendship and our marriages. Great point Deanna! Thanks for commenting!
I loved this! My husband and I were together from the time we were 15 to now (we’re 24), and we really did get to be each other’s best friend because we grew up together. We play video games together, he comes to art museums with me, he’s teaching me to play the guitar and how to work on my car…I get to learn so much from him, and vice versa! Part of what makes our relationship great is that we do exactly what you said- take an interest in each others interests! I can’t tell you how much I love the one on one time, and how my husband face lights up when he gets to teach me something (that honestly I would not have gone out of my way to learn outside of him!) And another great point- appreciation! A little goes such a long way! Back in the day I definitely “expected” my now spouse to do certain things, and instead of saying thank you! and praising him for going out of his way to be helpful, I didn’t really show any emotion towards it. I’ve definitely learned that saying thank you, and celebrating the small things he does for me (like getting up before work to make me a fresh pot of coffee) makes such a huge difference! Lastly I’ll leave on this note – back whenever we had an argument my husband would always stop (regardless of who was at fault) and just say “I’m sorry, please just tell me what to do to fix this and I’ll do it.” I’m definitely one of those people who are super stubborn and would fight to no end about who was at fault for what. But he taught me that “winning” the argument isn’t important. Sometimes the best thing you can do is apologize and just ask what the other person needs from you!
Sounds like you guys already have a lot of wisdom for a young couple, far more than I had at 24!! May God continue to bless your relationship and may you keep these good habits for many years!!
It is hard to forget the appreciate what you have when your lives are so busy. I tend to take my husband for granted, blogs like this are a wonderful reminder to push life aside and be thankful for a loving, caring, sexy, best friend!
Oh Tara! I too can easily take my husband for granted amidst all the busyness. We have a little trick that keeps us sharing appreciation for one another. It is a 8×10 frame hanging in our bathroom by our toothbrushes that says “Thank you for…” under the glass. On top, we use a dry erase marker to write notes back and forth. “Thank you for bathing the boys last night” or “Thank you for working every day to provide for our family”. It has been a HUGE blessing in our marriage.
Thank you so much for this posting. I almost lost my husband of 25+ years to a heart attack October 22nd. After open heart, double bi-pass surgery and a bout with pneumonia, he is finally home and healing well. We’ve always had a pretty healthy, stable, loving marriage…. but now it’s the little things, moments from everyday, that make all the difference. We are both trying to be more intentional about not taking those ‘little things’ for granted anymore. Life is so very precious. Thank you God. And thank you Daniel.
Thanks for reading and commenting Kim! Wow! Something like that would truly put things into perspective, and like you said, make us realize it is the “little things, moments everyday”. Praying your husband continues to heal and your marriage continues to blossom!
I’d rather have a husband AND a best friend. I don’t need to try to do things to be my husband’s best friend. I don’t want to talk to my husband about periods and shopping and I want to be able to b*%^$ about him to someone other than himself. Women need more than just family and husband to be truly rounded and healthy. Where’s the post for husbands to try to be their wives’ friends? You ladies need to get out more, no guy wants a chick as a best friend.
I agree that we all need female friends, as they do male ones. We can’t be everything to each other. But if a marriage completely lacks the aspects of friendship – the companionship, the communication, the doing-things-together, sharing interest, etc. – then we are truly missing out on all the fullness of the marriage relationship as well. And, maybe I will write that post for husband’s
! I have many more wives as readers…
Well I dont have to do the 7 things to be my husbands best friend…I am best friends with my husband which allows those things to happen. I dont need a “to do list” for my marriage. We dont have rules, we only love. If its not in love its not done or said. And the 72 Hour Club???? At least once every 72 hours??? Seriously??? How about intimacy EVERY day? Love everyday.
These tips (and the challenge) were offer to encourage those that struggle with either fostering the friendship in their marriage or making intimacy a priority, and it seems for many, they do help. You’ve got a great thing going – great friendship based on love, intimacy every day – may your marriage continue to be blessed with such things!
Amazing! God is awesome and i am FINALLY understanding what true love is abd what a true msrriage it! Took me many tears to finally get it! One other thing i do for my husband is tell him how good of a job he does in anything he does.
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It took me a lot of tears to get there to Kristin. You keep encouraging your husband in that way, and I think you’ll see amazing things happen.
I’m going to share this with my husband. Thank you!
I’m a husband, am I allowed to comment on this “girlfriends” site?.
My wife said to me the other day, “i have a pinterest board set aside for you, it has things that make me think of you” Well, today I looked at the things she had pinned for me to read and came across this post. Thank you very much for writing it. It is a great reminder about all the things we can and should do to encourage our spouse and grow are relationships.
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Yes Stephen! Husbands are allowed. Thanks for sharing your comment!!
I love this list! Some advice my mom gave me a long time ago was to take an interest in my husband’s interests. I couldn’t survive a marriage to my husband who has season tickets to three different sports teams if I didn’t enjoy going to sporting events. It’s a MUST! And it makes him appreciate me more, especially when his guy friends tell him how awesome his wife is.
They say that guys develop their friendship shoulder-to-shoulder. That is why they go “do” things with their buddies. They might not talk to each other all day, but it is the “doing” things together that builds the relationship. We are all smart wives who embrace this gender difference and seek to “do” things with our men!
Blahhhhhh… why is it Never guys write a save our marriage thing…. I’ll put in as much effort as he does! I’ll be the best or the worst! Girls forget we are equal! I will love my man and do but I will not baby him or treat him like he does more! I do house work and work part time, he works full time, sooo welcome to my wold I’d love to be at work and not do all the *&$%# I do…
I once had this 50/50 mindset about marriage. It is really what the world teaches. But it doesn’t lead to a satisfying marriage for either party. Who is to say where the equal line is drawn? Who wants to be married to someone who is only willing to give 50% effort? I say give it a 100% no matter what you get in return. That is when you see marriages (and people) transformed.
What a great reminder! I wrote about being friends with your spouse and shared a link to your post here: ow.ly/gNQkw
Thanks for sharing Andrea!!
Plan travel and outings that you both can enjoy and look forward to. Look back at photos from time to time of wonderful adventures you have already experienced.
Great one Margo! I love to travel with my husband, and they have been some of our best memories!
Hi, what a great post! my husband and I of 11 years were best friends and still are. I honestly don’t know what marriage would be like if we weren’t best friends!
Glad I found you on pinterest!
Thanks for commenting Steph! Some folks think that friendship isn’t important to a marriage, but I’m with you. I want my husband to be my best friend!!
I’m so thankful to have come across your website. I love women that love their husbands ( and children). A successful Family takes lots of hard work and suppoprt. I’m looking forward to learning and sharing.
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Thanks Taura! Come back and visit. We’ve got a great team of ladies here, all committed to their faith, sharing their passion and loving their husbands (at least for the married authors anyway!).
One thing I have to remember is that God is my provider and my husband is His helper. My husband is not God and I should bring all my worries to the foot of the cross and not my husband’s shoulders. I find that following the teachings of the bible make my marriage so much easier. Our relationship is a representation of God’s love for the Church. I am to trust that God and my husband have it all under control even when it doesnt seem so. It makes it much easier for my husband to love me the way God loves his people.
Nancy, that is still one of my biggest struggles. To not bring all my burdens on my husband before I have brought them to my Lord. And no truer words have been spoken, “I find that following the teachings of the bible make my marriage so much easier”. It has been finding the joy, peace and blessings of a Christ centered marriage that has sparked the passion within me to share this Good News with all married couples!!
It’s all true Danielle! Tom and I have been married for twenty-seven years as of a week ago February 8, 2013. We started dating when I was in the tenth grade! He is still my best friend. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. We have, of course, had our moments, but, we always seek forgiveness and offer grace when we have wronged each other, we still laugh together often, and he is the only one I will ever have eyes for! He is my stud muffin!
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Even though I’m only 19 and not even married, this applied to me today. Sometimes I take my boyfriend for granted and I shouldn’t do that. Thank you for writing this. I needed it.
This is such a great post Danielle! I can see why it has attracted so much attention. Thank you for sharing openly and honestly. Blessings, Krissy
Hi all, there is some amazing stuff here! I have only been married for 4 years and I’m not the easiest person to love, but some how have found that person who sees through it all and still tells me he loves me everyday. The only thing I’m not to sure about is your comment regarding putting him first before all others, I have a very tightnit family and feel that he is equal to my parents and siblings. To be honest sometimes they come first. Is this just me or do others feel the same, should I be doing this?
Hey Michelle!
In the bible it says that the man shall leave his family and cleave to his wife. I believe it to be the same for the wife. Your relationship with your husband is the most important, and should not be sacrificed over any other. It took me a while to grasp a hold of that, but you are not one with your parents, and you are not one with your siblings. You are however, one with your spouse, in every way. Any attack against him, you get attacked. Anytime you get attacked, he gets attacked.
Hope this helps
God bless your marriage!
Be loyal!
Dont talk badly or demeaning about them to your friends or family.
I see that most of the comment’s are from women. I would like to share from a mans perspective. I was reconnected with my very best friend Oct 8th, 2011. We have known each other since the 7th grade and reconnected at our 25th reunion. The thing is that I knew nothing of the reunion and just to show up after another friend told me about it. When I arrived I heard oh my goodness just to turn abd see the most angelic smile. When I turned there she was the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. We have been talking ever since and have spent time together every chance we get. We plab to be married and spend the rest of our lives together. Oh and did I mention that I so badly wanted to ask her out in high school? She is amazing and I thank God for her every day.
great tips. my boyfriend and i were very good friends before he asked me out. he was always there for me. and now we want to be married. we always knew we were meant to be
i think the fact that i knew him as a friend first made me love him more