As Dave and I waited in our local pizza shop for our take-out order to come up last week, I glanced through some pages of that day’s Wall Street Journal. Across the front page of one section was “MEET THE MARRIAGE KILLER“. That, along with the colorful comic strip graphics underneath caught my attention. What is this marriage killer?
Continuing to read, the subtitle stated, “It’s More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic…”
“…So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?”
Nagging. Nagging is the marriage killer?
“I don’t nag.” Are you thinking that right now? Well, I don’t believe you. First of all, nagging can only be diagnosed by the receiver, so you are unqualified to determine whether you are a nag or not. Go ask your spouse.
Chances are if you are a wife, you have nagged. Why? Because it is our sinful bent to nag. Seems unfair? Go talk to Eve.
Actually, I can give you a few reasons why us ladies are more prone to nag:
- We are often feel more responsible for managing the home and family life. That gives us lots of nagging ammunition.
- We often have trouble directly communicating our needs, and thus fall into this destructive form of communication.
- We tend to be more sensitive to early signs of relational problems. The lack of response from our husbands triggers us that something is wrong, and then we really can’t let it go.
Nothing will demotivate your man more from giving you the thing you are asking from him than nagging.
And here begins the vicious cycle. The naggee tires of the nagging and withholds, which makes the nagger nag more. Keep this cycle going and what do you get? A marriage killer.
Want to know what living with a nagging wife is like? God saw this problem coming.
“Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9
“A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm…” Proverbs 27:15
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and naggging wife.” Proverbs 21:19
Think about those for a minute? Live on a roof? Listen to an endless drip…drip…drip? Endure the hot sun, the lack of cover, the bugs and dirt of the desert? All better than us when we get to nagging.
“But, if he would just {listen…do…respond…take care of…answer}, then I wouldn’t have to nag.” Yes. Our hubbies have some growing to do here also. They could do a better job of giving us a clear answer. They could at least acknowledge our request so we know they heard us. They could recognize our nagging as a cry for their {help…support….love…acceptance}.
But, let’s focus on what we can do to promote better communication, have more mature responses and bring about marriages that are alive & well.
Bag the nag ladies. Bag it.
Not sure how? Check out these additional resources:
How to Stop the Nag at WebMD. (Yes. Even WebMD offers a cure.)
Meet the Marriage Killer from the Wall Street Journal. (The article that inspired me. Great list of tips at the end.)
I’m Not a Nag…Am I? from Family Life. (Boils it down to 4 ways to be nag-free.)
About Danielle Peters
GREAT post! I now need to re-read this everyday. I am often reminded in seeing my 2 year old daughter’s actions that females are just born thinking it is their way or the highway, oy.
I was just about to say that I don’t nag. Love how you wrote that I am unqualified to judge that! Great point!!!
Wonderful post, Danielle. You and I have the same heart and passion. Thank you for writing on marriage. The world and Christians need to read what God says.
Funny enough, I just heard a sermon about this exact thing last weekend! I love how you said that you don’t necessarily know if you are nagging, because it depends on how the receiver feels about the conversation. And unfortunately, it’s a natural reaction for us ladies. Awareness is key. Anyways, my church has a podcast if you want to check it out: Biltmore Baptist Church.
Great post. Thanks for sharing.